I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
