once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
