we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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