Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
