did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize