sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
