Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
