atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
