well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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