I met the friendliest cop last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize