hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
