Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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