So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
