Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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