I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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