I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
People in love make me want to vomit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
