Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
