So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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