They should really pass out barf bags in church
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
