I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
