Welp...herpes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize