He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
