I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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