: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
