On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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