ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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