the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This baby is an asshole
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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