So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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