I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
