if you like me you must not know who I am
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize