What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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