I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
