you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
