So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
