this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
