I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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