Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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