Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
