Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
