Barsexuality is the new black.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
