ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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