this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
