Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Randomize
