it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
