38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
