I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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