The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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