Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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