this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize