Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
