He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
