Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
