like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize