I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
