is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
