I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
