I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
