Where did you get a picture of my penis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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