i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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