Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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