His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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