This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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