apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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