I just gift wrapped bread.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
