you're like a bully in the Christmas story
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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