Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
