Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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