You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
