I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize