Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
