i think my mom watched the whole time
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
