Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize