u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Enjoy the penises
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
