There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
