Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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