i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
