I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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