Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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