he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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