You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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