Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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