I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
