I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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