I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
why is half of my head shaved?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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