She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
