I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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