I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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