chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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