I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize