FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
