i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
