I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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