So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
