so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You're like the curious george of whores
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
