Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize