nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
