what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
