Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
