god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
